I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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