Christians are straight up FREAKS
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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