What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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