...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
