I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
