Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize