If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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