Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
