I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
