i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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