I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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