It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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