Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
