You're my little dorito
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
