Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
