why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
