I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
should my penis look like a turkey
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
