Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
