i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
