I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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