i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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