just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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