i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
