a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
