dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
