when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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