he was CRYING into my vagina
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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