For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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