it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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