So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
