Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
