would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
