this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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