I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
