he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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