i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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