I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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