Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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