just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
