I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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