He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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