Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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