That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
