dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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