i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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