people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
birth control should be required to get into college
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
