I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
