Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
