Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
