Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
