remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
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