I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
