genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
nutella sex= disaster
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
