the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
