Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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