I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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