She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
