it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
