Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
