Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
