You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
