He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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