whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
