yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
