I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
