sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
