Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
