Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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