People in love make me want to vomit
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it's great music for shaving your balls
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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