it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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