dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize