he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
