He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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