K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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