he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
